Mother's Day 2012

Monday, May 14, 2012

This may have been one of the hardest weekends I've had in a long time. Emotions have been close to the surface and it seems just about anything can make me start crying. Bet you're excited to keep reading, eh? :)

Let me explain.

My siblings and I drove home to Spokane, Washington to attend the funeral of our dear friend, Sheri. Perhaps it was the reality of being back in my hometown without Sheri walking through our front door the moment we arrived, or seeing her children without their mom, or being at the actual viewing and funeral. Either way it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I was a mess! It was such an honor to play the piano at her funeral, and I'm amazed I got through that experience without losing composure. Everything about the occasion paid such a beautiful tribute to an amazing mother and friend. And ironically enough, it just so happened to fall on Mother's Day weekend.

I will miss Sheri so, so, so much. Like I've mentioned before, we are all comforted in knowing that she is with her loving spouse, Keith, and that families are forever. Her five children will get to see her again, and even better, will be with her for eternity. What a beautiful promise. Until then, the Bird kids are unofficially adopted into our family. I can't wait for future holidays and family vacations with them. (Lindsay, Sheri's youngest daughter, one of my best friends/former roommates, and the strongest girl I know is on the far left).

And then there's more.

Not that I was trying to make the weekend about me in any way, in fact I hated that this happened on such an important weekend, but I was greeted with an unwanted friend {on the day of the funeral, no less} that was one more reminder that I would not be becoming a mother within the next 9 months or so (you catch my drift?). Motherhood is such a divine calling. It is honored and celebrated, as we all saw through pictures, breakfasts-in-beds, and flowers given to Mother's all over the country on this lovely weekend. Don't get me wrong, every. single. mother. deserves all the attention and love they received. Mother's are amazing. It's just that when you want it so bad and it doesn't happen for a while, part of you starts to feel a little... left behind. I've been told how Mother's Day is a hard day for those battling infertility, but this particular year I really felt it. I'm not in that league of divine Mother's yet. I can't wait till I am, but it's a frustrating reality that I do not know when that will be. (I've come across a few blog posts that reflect on some of these issues and provided comfort -- read here, here, and here, if you'd like).

I know some day it will work out. We are working really hard to make that happen (think doctor visits, needles, and prescriptions). Knowing what's ahead of me (mostly from watching my sister struggle), scares me half to death. But I know it will be worth it, and I will do anything to get there. I am learning a great deal of patience. I'm so grateful for the friends and family who offer never-ending support, and most of all, I am grateful I could be with my own mother on this Mother's day. Crying on her shoulder was exactly what I needed. I love you, Mom!

{Photo from my birthday in 2011}


Reeve family said...

Camille, I am so sorry to hear about your not so good weekend. I am thinking of you!

Angela McLaws said...

Love you tons kiddo. Thanks for spending Mother's Day with me.

Jessy Carlisle said...

Love you Camille! Thanks for sharing your little piece, and no it's not really that fun. When we get to be moms, we're going to be way better than anyone else at it... you mark my words. Love you girlfriend!

Rachel and Jason said...

Oh, Mill. I'm so sorry! I admire your willingness to share your story and help others in the process. That's not an easy thing to do. You will be an incredible momma! So glad I got to see you this weekend even if it was a very sad one. Love you!

Laura said...

Camille, you (and Russ) are so tough and brave! You will be amazing parents, I can tell. Let me know if there's anything we can do for you. We love you guys!

Sara said...

I'm so sorry Camille. I read this post and cried, my heart broke for you. I really appreciate you sharing your story, that's probably not easy, but I am sure there are others who are going through this same thing or need the reminder to be more grateful or could learn from your attitude of hope. So thank you.
You guys are in our prayers. You will be amazing parents no doubt.

Brianne said...

I've been thinking about you all week. I'd come over and give you a hug but I'm sick. You're wonderful, I'm glad you are filled with such compassion & I am sorry for your sorrows.

Camille said...

Thank you to everyone... your kind words have really been so comforting. I know I have so many people who care, and that means the world!

Amanda Jones said...

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you! I know exactly what you are going through and it is NO fun! I remember last year telling Chris on Mother's day "by next year I will be a mom" and of course I was made a liar this year on Mother's day.
We need to have a phone session so we can catch up but most of all vent to each other!
Love you!

Kat said...

thinking of you, friend!

Rachel said...

so i'm a little slow in commenting but when i read this post my heart sank. i was wondering if you might be dealing with this, but hoping you were not. that is great news about your sister and i hope you will follow in her footsteps soon. you are in my prayers.

in other news you are so stinkin cute and i love your style and i think i'm going to make both of those recipes you posted on your recent blogpost :)