Let's Be Real.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

I try really hard to keep up with this blog, because I know that someday in the future I will be grateful for the updates and documentation. I've been slacking lately, mostly because I didn't feel like I had anything "post-worthy." But that's the thing - my blog is about life in general, so I am going to talk about life. I will not be offended if you stop reading! 

I'm just going to keep it real on this post. No sugar-coating. Just to make sure it's clear, this is not a "feel bad for me" post. I'm really not looking for pity, mostly just a sounding board for some of my recent thoughts and struggles. Hear me out. 

Max and Clara will be 1 in less than two weeks! What?!? Totally crazy. When I was pregnant with two babies at one time, I received a lot of advice that "it get's easier" or "make it through the first year and you are good!" Right now I want to find those people who said those things (I actually cannot remember), grab them by the shoulders and say "why did you lie to me!?" Quite honestly, I feel like I'm drowning. The twins are harder now than they have ever been even though we are mere weeks away from that "blessed first birthday." 

We are in the crawling phase, which means they are into everything (X2). Yet they can't do anything by themselves. For instance, if we want to get some fresh air and go outside it's not just "walk outside and get fresh air." I carry one baby out, set them in the grass and hurry to go inside to get the other. That first baby usually cries because they think I am abandoning them outside, meanwhile I have anxiety that they will crawl into the street or something crazy. I run inside, get the second baby, walk back out to the grass and set that baby down. Great, now what? Toys. I need toys. I run back inside, grab a blanket, toys, spatulas, whatever I can for them to be entertained. We sit outside, there is usually some grabbing of the face or poking of eyes, stealing toys, desperately trying to keep them separate yet happy. Whew. Ok, time for lunch. Carry one baby inside, set them down (tears), run back out and get the second baby, set them in the high chair. Oh yeah, all the toys/blankets. Get both babies in high chairs, make them happy with some puffs, and go retrieve all of the toys that I took outside that didn't really serve any purpose. 

Was that worth it?!? Blech.

Anyway, that is just a blip of a 20 minute phase of my day. I think it will be better once I can say "let's go play outside! Run outside!" Haha. Oh the things I look forward to. 

And then naps. Naps rule my life. I have 4 naps I am working around, so any plans I make to meet people or be somewhere at a certain time usually go out the window. People say I need to ask for help. I really do try, but usually naps get in the way. Like today for instance. I had arranged with my mom for me to drop them off for an hour so I could run some errands baby-free. I got Max down at our usual nap time, then Clara fought that second nap for over an hour until she finally crashed. 30 minutes after she crashed Max woke up. It was already 3:30. Clara didn't wake up until 4:30, so by the time I loaded two babies in the car and got to my mom's it was almost 5. I furiously ran 1 1/2 errand until I went to get the babies to meet Russ for a quick bite to eat (making dinner?! ha! Not today!). Because everything was thrown off, by the time we got to the restaurant both babies were past hunger and just plain fussy. Scarf food, speed home, get both babies in bed after much crying and screaming. I tried, I really tried. 

And I must mention the exhaustion. Pure exhaustion. I'm so tired in so many ways. And that, sadly, will probably never go away. 

Ok, I think my point has been made. It's been tough, and I'm just trying to "hang in there." I am trying to do things for myself - I'm actually running a 1/2 marathon in a few weeks and running makes me feel better. I know this is a phase and some day I will look back and think "wow, I got through that!" 

And now it's time for bed. Mr. Max likes to wake up in the 5 o' clock hour which makes for some early mornings in this household! Again, I hope no one feels this is a pity post. Just keepin' it real. 

Thanks for reading. It feels good to get those feelings out there.

I sure love my little babies. 


Jessy Carlisle said...

At least they are cute right? Nap fighters are the death of me. You are a rock star for doing it x2. And thanks for keeping it real. Love you guys!!

Kayla Smith said...

Where do you guys live? I'd love to come visit with Lexi one of these days.

Brooke Kunz said...

love the keepin it real! i think moms forget after antything more than 5+ years past having babies...and then they give inaccurate advice/memories/experiences! liv wakes up at 5 am too, like clockwork. i cry a little inside every time, then i try to force her to cuddle in bed, then i get over it, turn on the lights and hope she magically changes the next day! :-/

Megan Barrick said...

So refreshing to hear a keeping it real mom post! You are amazing and I seriously cannot imagine how you survive with two! They are just the cutest ever. We are currently struggling with tantrums in public and I'm just about ready to never leave the house for the next 18 years and thats just with one.

Megan said...

You're so funny. I guess you just got indoctrinated into the world of two kids a lot sooner than most. :) and welcome to the world of having a todder! I wish I could say it will get better... but just wait until they start walking! Crawling will seem like a blissful dream--especially if you've got a climber! But don't worry, soon they will only need one nap, be able to play more on their own, and feel slightly less dependent on you for every little thing. :) You're awesome!

Angela Joy said...

You are an awesome Mother. Very proud of you. The end.

Jessica Holly said...

Oh I totally feel ya on the age bit! Clara was SO much easier as a baby and as soon as she hit 10-12 months I felt like I was drowning!!

Paula said...

Love the real feelings. Hmmmm, I would recommend using a backpack to stuff blankets, toys, and water bottles in.

This serves as a good reminder to be grateful for the sleep I get - even if it means waking up once during the middle of the night to tinkle...gotta love menopause.

Jake and Caylie said...

Thanks for keeping it real! 12 months was a really hard age for us too and that was with one baby so I can't even imagine! I think when language and comprehension develop things get easier!

Danielle Doty said...

I will come over any day... well Thursday or Friday and help you. I'm glad you posted a real mom post. Often I want to slap the people who make it sound so easy! What do they have a night nurse + wet nurse nanny! Cam and Ben were so close it felt like twins but they weren't in the same stage so cam would get out of a stage and benson would start the phase. It was 2x as long and 2x the torture! Now that they can walk and play it is typically (not always) so much better. Once Max and Clara can play together you will be so happy they have a built in playdate (minus the toy stealing and MINE MINE MINE). You're a beautiful momma, an amazing friend, and such a great example! Keep your chin up. AND I live right next to Costa so anytime you want it call me and I'll run some over to you.